Robert Orillion Britton III 7.23.1999-3.14.2007
If I've learned anything over the past few years, it's that everyone has a past... Whether it's bad, good, big or small. Everyone has one. I was a normal kid. Good grades, nice to everyone. Went to church. During the middle of the 8th grade, I lost my little brother Robert to a fatal motorcycle accident. I was in absolute shock. I could not believe what had just happened. For the first few months, I still couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. I felt fine. But then like someone had punched me in the face, here comes all the hurt that I had never felt months before. He was only 7! What did he do to deserve this? What did I do to deserve losing my best friend, my only baby brother?! I was so hurt, sad, and depressed that when I asked God why he would let something like this happen, I had already began to shut him out. I figured if God really loved me, he would not have let this happen. He wouldn't have taken something away that I had held so close to my heart. So I walked away. I wanted nothing to do with God. And as I walked away, I had began to blame him as well. I really, truly believed that it was his doing. As all this was happening, my heart began to grow empty. Like there was this huge void in it. In my stubbornness, i still resented God, and went to many worldly things to try and fill it. When none of these things worked... Many emotions like depression, loneliness and thoughts of suicide resided within me. I felt so unworthy and that because of what I had done, I deserved nothing. Unfortunately because I resented God and didn't want anything to do with him, the cycle would then start all over again. Then one day, I met this guy. I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He made me feel so good! Like I felt alive again for the first time in years. And for a few months, he filled that void, but it didn't last. He began lying to me, cheating on me, and countless other things. I began to see the real "boy" in him, and he wasn't all he cracked up to be. Being stubborn, I still blamed God for all that had happened to me, and continued on, thinking maybe, just maybe it would get better with him, despite what everyone had told me, or how he treated me. And from what I'd done, I didn't deserve better. Or atleast that's what I believed. After a while, I began to grow tired of going through the same thing over and over again, and always feeling sad or depressed, or lonely. I wanted to be happy again. I want joy. What I realized soon after that was that I cant find happiness or joy in the world. I can only find it in God. So there I prayed, for the first time, in a long time, I prayed. And I meant it. I asked for friends that would help me grow in my faith, and would help me through the rough times. Most of all, I prayed for forgiveness for walking away from God and doing things that were against him. Not even two weeks later, I met my best friend Dan, and a few others that have really helped me out in my faith. I don't know where I would be without them.
I never got to say goodbye to my brother. The night before he died, he came into my room and said "I love you Sooooo much," and I slammed the door in his face. And like before, I also thought that God had let this happen but what I had failed to realize was that it wasn't Gods fault. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you." says the Lord. Plans for good and not for disaster, to give you hope and a future. I learned that God has a plan. Greater than any of us can imagine. Remember that.
I never got to say goodbye to my brother. The night before he died, he came into my room and said "I love you Sooooo much," and I slammed the door in his face. And like before, I also thought that God had let this happen but what I had failed to realize was that it wasn't Gods fault. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says "For I know the plans I have for you." says the Lord. Plans for good and not for disaster, to give you hope and a future. I learned that God has a plan. Greater than any of us can imagine. Remember that.